This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
