I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
