Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Someone shit on the floor
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
