I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Randomize
