You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
