just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
