my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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