the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
