You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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