I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
