Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
