I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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