her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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