My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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