capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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