i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
