i think i have herpe
just one?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
as a side note pls kill me
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
