i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
