It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
