I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
