I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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