Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
