Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
