How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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