And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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