If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
