She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
