I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
