I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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