Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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