you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
