i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
