So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
