I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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