you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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