You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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