I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
