Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
