Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
