The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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