I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
