Someone shit on the floor
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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