Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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