I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
