Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
