Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
