I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
