She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
