no, he came in my armpit
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
