That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
