Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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