He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
