Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
