my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Iām sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
