you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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