If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
