if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Randomize
